Georgia asks :

Hi Lucy,

So my boyfriend always calls me beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, even perfect on a day to day basis, I just don't believe him. No matter what he says to me I'm too self-conscious to believe his words, it's spoiling our sex life as I'm self-conscious about my body. He says it's beautiful but I can't help but to not believe him! I really wish I did! I know that other men have said these words to me in the past and with them it always ended up with them gossiping to their friends and calling me names, disgusting, ugly, rank, etc. 

I love my boyfriend very much and I'm comfortable around him but I can't help but not believe any compliments, when he does compliment me I feel worse about myself because I automatically think of reasons why it's not true and I can't help it. Do you know if there's anything I can do?

 

Hi Georgia,

He calls me beautiful, sexy and gorgeous

He calls me beautiful, sexy and gorgeous

If you are still haunted by the comments from pervious boyfriends when they said things to your face and something different behind your back, this will inevitably impact your new relationship. It does not mean that your current partner is going to do the same- just that your previous boyfriends treat you differently.

It does sound like you may have lacked in confidence for a lot of years, perhaps even before you got a partner? I would suggest talking to a counsellor about where these insecurities might have come from and what you can do to let go of some of these negative beliefs you have about your body. Sadly, a partner can say the loveliest of things to you, but if you don't believe it yourself, it can be hard to listen to and accept how they see you.

Chances are, he says those things because he means them and does genuinely think you are beautiful, sexy and gorgeous. It doesn't sound like anyone is forcing him to say them. 

It seems that you need to work on letting him say such things about you- he is entitled to his opinion of you, so rather than dismiss them- try to accept that he sees you that way. If he says something complimentary- an appropriate answer might be 'thanks'.

It sounds like you need to work on how you feel about YOU in order to reach this point.

If he loves you, he will love ALL of you and not wish away any part of your body because it's what makes up who you are. Bodies are like personalities- you might not like something about your personality that he finds charming or appealing. Just as you might not like an area of your body that might be one of his favourite parts of you.

Maybe you could look into some counselling and see if it works for you. Sometimes it helps to get some dialogue going with a perfect stranger in order to make sense of why you feel the way you do about yourself.



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