Della asks :

Hello Lucy, 

I am a 50-year-old female, in the process of separating from my husband. 

I have moved away from my home for work reasons. Since moving out my son and his alcoholic wife have moved into my home with my lovely grandson. Due to this, I am reluctant to push divorce proceedings as the house will be sold if this goes to court. 

My husband still lives in the home, and I would prefer an amicable outcome for us both. 

I returned home recently for the summer, and have been subjected to a torrent of abuse from my son on two occasions, when I interfered with him being sharp tonged with my grandson. 

I let it go the first time, as I realize that he is under severe stress with his partner, and her constant disappearing acts, but I feel for the young child who is caught up in this mess. I am at a loss on how to proceed with this. All I want is for my grandson to be happy.

 

Hello Della,

'I feel for the young child who is caught up in this mess'

'I feel for the young child who is caught up in this mess'

It sounds like you all being under the same roof is causing a lot of friction. You and your husband are trying to get through your divorce and your son and his partner seem like they are having problems too. Although you might want to provide a roof to put over your family’s head- it might be best if you all had your own space.

It sounds like your son might be taking out his reactions to the stress on you and his son because of what is going on with his partner. Plus, he might still be processing the split with your partner too.

If you still have to sell the house- that is between you are your husband if it belongs to you both- so it might be worth trying to focus on that first. The more people who get involved- the harder it will be for you to make a decision that is right for you and your partner. If you aren’t able to come to some agreement about the home- this could affect your ability to move on.

Or is the reason you want to hang onto the house more to do with your husband than your son? Are you having seconds thoughts about the separation?

If your son’s relationship is going through a bad time- it will- regardless if it’s under your roof or their own if there is a potential alcohol problem. It seems that they have their own set of issues they need to work through.

It is admirable that you are thinking about your grandson- so perhaps you could offer to look after him while your son and his partner try and sort things out. This would give them the space to make a plan and give you some time with your grandson. It might also give your grandson some well needed time away from the arguments and uncertainty if the negativity is starting to have an impact on him too. 


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